I Hope She Was Worth It

She looked up at you with eyes that spoke volumes; they were filled with such joy and longing, like you breathed life into her. She clung tightly to your arm, grasping at your sleeve like you were the anchor that held her to the ground. She stood beside you in unyielding solidarity, unwavering companionship, with pure loyalty.

You were her shore in troubled waters, her lighthouse in a stormy sea. You gave her the faith to make proclamations that one did truly believe; you were "the one" she said, you could be the father of her children. She would follow you from here to the ends of this earth, as her love for you spanned from here to the moon and back. Baring all of her soul in loving you, absorbing all of your darkness and feeding you only light; she gave you a love that only a brave few even dare to dream of.

In a quick flash you cast it all away. And, in that moment of the weakness of the flesh, you burned a heart that beat only for you. How does one even begin to explain the grandeur of the display of inhumanity? Thirsting after the flesh of another, when you had one ready to go the extra mile to quench your desire.
        
You broke her. Questioning all her decisions and emotions, she crumbled to an unenviable puddle of salty heavy tears. The love she gave to you so easily, she will never be able to give again. Never again will she cleave on to another as she did so naturally with you.

Jaded she has now become and jaded she will remain, unconsciously punishing those that shall follow after you. Worry will fill your successor as he ponders why he cannot be let into her inner sanctuary of heart and mind. To him I will say; Fear not gentle one, for it is not in spite of you but in penance for the sins of your predecessors.

Whoever she was, the seductress that lured you or the temptress you lusted after, I hope she was worth all you have lost. I hope she can give you even a minuscule proportion in comparison to the adoration you once basked in.

You have been forgiven, and you may go on your merry way, but I just really hope she was worth it.

Gatsby Girl

She was "new money". Her grandparents hadn't gone to Oxford University and sent her parents there too. They hadn't gone to school at all, but hard workers they were as farmers and petty traders.
Her family wealth was built solely on her father's sweat, tears and blood. One man. No inheritance. No dynasty. No legacy.

They were "old money". They had not only victory in numbers, but they also had names that would swing open gates of opportunity and knock down doors of chance.
Their family wealth was built on a proud history and a lineage of men and women so far before them, they could not see their backs.
     
Old money and new money would collide eventually on the solid grounds of the pursuits of the best education money could buy. Very early on, she learned the stark differences between the two, and realized that class and prestige were born not merely acquired. Talks of brunch, tea parties and summer trips to the English Country side sneaked up on her horizon. She soon also competed the Olympic sports of double cheek air kisses and the cross-legged curtsy.

She did not fit in. It wasn't obvious, one couldn't really tell, but she could feel it swallowing her up everyday. She tried tea parties, and trips to the English countryside in the summer, but it did not seem to be working. She couldn't dance like some of the girls, her clothes still remained a fashion trend behind, and she almost drowned at pool parties.

Balancing books on her head to practice good posture in etiquette class and reciting that the rain in Spain fell mainly on the plain in finishing school did not seem to be able to get her into a circle so tight, a camel had a better chance at waltzing through the eye of a needle. Soon it was clear, they only stuck with their kind; one couldn't just join like it was a club, you had to be family.

This Gatsby-esque obsession of fitting in, birthed a brilliant idea. Or so she thought. She would get one of them to fall in love her. Her prospects and acceptance rate grew exponentially at the mere conception of this grand plot. There was no way they could turn her away now, she could even become the Queen Bee. Surely, having one of their most eligible men would do that for her.

What she had not anticipated, was the possibility that he would not like her. The thought had not even once crossed her mind; on the drawing board, the plan was certainly fool-proof. But there was the reality, as clear as day, staring her in the face; she wasn't his type.

Back she went to trying to fit herself into the mold created by someone else, not necessarily for her. She'd be dainty, she told herself, just like the girls he liked. She'd be more soft spoken, and not be so "difficult" to love. She'd be everything she was not, did not believe in, and could never be. She was going to be all these things for him, maybe then he would love her.

But it wouldn't be her he loved, it would be this charade of her person, holding back her true potential, stifling laughs at jokes, swearing constantly under her breath and never putting up a fight or speaking up or talking back; just living on composure she barely has.

And then it hit her: you can't "be" for someone else, you just are the way you are. One day, although this came with no guarantee, she would meet someone who would see her in all her loud colourfulness, burning bright and love her. She would not need to tint, dim or dye her true vivacious self, she would be free to cackle as loud as she can and "discuss" with all the passion she can muster.

It was time to let this dream go. She could not forcefully gain entry into a circle. If it were to happen, it would have happened by now... but still, it's never too late. One thing was certain though; she was going to leave it be. She could not let it define and dictate her any more. This could be a silver lining; maybe the one place she couldn't get into, was the one place she wasn't meant to be.

6 Things John Legend Taught Me In 1 Hour

When my lover/partner-in-bants/non-live-in housemate, Husseina, mentioned last week that we had to catch the Oprah's Next Chapter episode airing on June 9th, I was very confused. It was billed to be starring musician/Ivy League alumni John Legend and his model/loud-mouthed fiancee Chrissy Teigen.
Now Husseina is not a fan of Oprah or her network, neither is she a John Legend die hard. I, on the other hand, like Oprah as much as the next uninterested person but I really think "Next Chapter" and the similar "Master Class" are good series to watch whenever I catch them on.

What I didn't count on was how much I would learn and gain from watching John Legend in particular. He is a smart man, everybody knows that, but now I know he/his life offers profound insight. I am a strong believer that we can learn things from even the most unlikely people, but I just wasn't expecting it from him nor his fiancee. Safe to say I was pleasantly surprised and engaged.
I know most of you don't watch Oprah (since you already have me), so I've decided to go ahead and share with you some of the very intriguing and valuable things I took from it.

1. It takes only ONE thing to turn it all around. For John Stephens, who put in years and years of underground work, held corporate day jobs, and made not much progress, "Ordinary People" would be that ONE song that changed everything. He had originally been working on the song with will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas when he decided to take the hook he had written and turn it into that amazing stripped down ballad we all know and love today.
If there is anything I am a firm believer in, it is serendipity (or chance happenings, for the non-fancy word users). I believe in it so much, that I might get it branded on my forehead soon. ALL it might take is ONE thing; ONE person; ONE book; ONE spontaneous moment; just ONE, to change everything! Don't lose faith, keep holding out hope and don't stop trying.

2. Don't let fear. Period. Just that. I could just stop here right now... but I am me, so I won't.
Do NOT let fear stop you, hold you back, or discourage you. Danger is real, but fear? It's all in your mind.
Because the music industry is infiltrated with utter rubbish and all we get to listen to now are computer generated earworms, most people may be unaware that John Legend is a musical genius. He was in fact so good, that a mutual friend of his and Kanye West (a more well known musical genius), suggested that they just call him "The Legend". Kanye West later modified this to what we now refer to him as; John Legend. Initially, he thought the name was plain ridiculous.
After much thought, he realized the only thing stopping him from adopting this moniker was FEAR; fear that he would not live up to it, fear that it would all just not work out and he (and his grand name) would become a big fat joke. And in the face of that fear, he owned that name and here he is today. I'm almost certain that if he died tomorrow (although I really hope not), the headlines would read; "The Legendary John Legend".

There you have it: the two LIFE lesson I took from his very concise interview with Ms. Winfrey. Now, on to the lessons on L-O-V-E. It is "The Wedding Addict, The Love Cynic, and The Hopeless Romantic", after all. 

At about the half-episode mark, John brought on his fiancee and partner of seven years, Chrissy Teigen. For those of you unfamiliar with the future Mrs. Stephens, she is a model and social media celebrity. Somewhat known from the pages of Sports Illustrated she has graced these past few years, she is even more known for her antics on Twitter and picture-posting site Instagram where she is frequently loud, foul-mouthed, hilarious and nude.
Now, you're probably wondering how in the world someone as brilliant and relaxed as John could end up with a lose canon like Chrissy, right?

3. People get lucky. She and John met when she was the video vixen in his music video for "Stereo". There he was all covered up, dressed in black, and she was pretty much naked in only lingerie.
             
        
Seven years later he is marrying her and they plan on having lots of "smart, beautiful, big-foreheaded babies". And, there is nothing you (or I) can do about it.
I used to believe that "you marry your kind" and that "to every Beyonce/Michelle, there is a Jay-Z/Barack" and vice versa, but now all that has gone out the window. Sure, you can justify by saying, Beyonce didn't settle for Usher, so why should I settle for someone (seemingly) "unfit" for me/"undeserving" of me/"less" than me?, but honestly it really does not matter. When two people are in love, it doesn't matter if they LOOK unevenly yoked, all that matters is that they FEEL evenly yoked.
Taking the words from a Boj/Efya hit song, "boy what I can say to you, no other girl can say to you; boy what I can do for you, no other girl can do for you". It's that simple really, when/if you find the person who makes you feel unlike anyone else ever has, like it feels SO good that your head explodes, keep them and don't let anyone else tell you different.
I remember thinking "Ah. Chrissy Teigen has hammered!" as I watched them interact on my screen, but I'm pretty sure John feels the same way and more (because he actually said so). They both feel so very lucky to have each other. So, if you're in a relationship and people tell you how lucky you are to have your significant other (as if you're undeserving of them), take it in stride; tell them you of all people would know and just smile. If you're are the Mariah Carey to someone's Nick Cannon, don't let people talk you out of it and force you into their box of societal standards. Remember also to tell your Nick how lucky you feel too, and how only they can make you feel the way you do. If you're the relationship officer, ensuring that everyone ends up with their "equal": FUCK OFF.

4. When two people who are very different enter into a relationship, they are very likely to stay two very different people. Just because they are in a relationship, they don't automatically become one giant person; they (more often than not) retain their individuality. They do not represent each other, their views must not be unanimous and singular, and you should not judge one based on the other. This is not a case of "show me your friends and I will show you who you are" (which is another thing I don't believe in). The best illustration I can give is from a conversation I had with a dear old friend, that changed the way I see him forever.
So, we were talking about compromising and sacrificing, when the conversation tipped over the side of the bridge and landed in the zone of severe patriarchy. There was a lot of yelling and dictator-speak, I felt like I had just met Adolf Hitler. He used the horrible and trivial example of nose piercings to prove his point. He said that if he had a girlfriend (he does), and she got a nose piercing he would be very upset and there would be serious consequences because HE does not like piercing. He went as far as to say, he would break up with her. If you have no words, I understand.
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are as different as two people can be (as highlighted in the previous point); they are like fire and ice. When Oprah asked how he felt about her outspoken and brazen ways on the internet he said simply that he loved it and it did not bother him at all. He did not mind the Twitter fights or nude photos, because (as he rightfully pointed out) she was her own person and he was not Lord over her. At this point, Husseina and I sprung off the couch and bowed down before Mr. Legend.
When Oprah turned to Chrissy, she laughed and said she's glad John lets her be herself, but she turned serious when she mentioned how people tweet at her said they are "so disappointed in John" for HER behaviour. WHAT THE HELL? In the words of Gbolahan Olatunde, IS HE HER ANGEL GABRIEL NI? Are they Siamese twins? Why would you think that her ways are directly representative of John Legend's? If you're a boy/girl and you think you need to control your girlfriend/boyfriend so YOU don't look bad or because it doesn't suit your taste, then you shouldn't have a girlfriend/boyfriend. Didn't you see her/him before you asked her/him out? You know what kind of person she/he is, so why would you now try to change her/him? If you're a girl/boy and your boyfriend/girlfriend is trying to dictate your life, please leave; there is a reason you're not with Idi Amin in the first place. If you are like the relationship officer in the point above, and you hold and try to encourage/enforce these stupid views, you need a good knock on the head.

Dear Fifteen Year Old Me

Adesoye College,

P.M.B. 4700,

Igosun Road

Offa, Kwara State, 

Nigeria.

October 30th, 2012.

Apartment 1**7,
1**4 Somewhere Avenue,
Ottawa, ON,
Canada.

Dear Fifteen Year Old Me,
Happy Belated Birthday! I really tried to write this and have it send out to you in time for our birthday, but I just couldn't get it right! Maybe, it had something to do with the fact that I had just had a boy walk out of my life and into the cold at 2am. Maybe. Who knows?
I tried to write it, and it came out very unlike me, and certainly unlike you; it was too light, giddy and funny. I guess it really was affected by that boy thing after all! I'm known for my slapstick/deadpan humour and satire, but I didn't want this to be one of those; I wanted to to inspire you, to tell you that all your worries will never materialize, to tell you how great you turned out, and even how great you were back then... but I just couldn't do it right.

I think now, that it is because you were fearless, way more fearless than I will ever be. You lived life with a careless abandon, and little regard for the pain you might suffer and the consequences your heart would have to endure. You were brave; brave in love and in relationships, something that I doubt I will ever be again. I still applaud you though; because I was once you, I have many a stories to tell! I've lived (and I am still living) through the consequences (good and bad) of your actions, words, and priorities and I must credit you then, for making me strong, maybe even as strong as you. Our realities are very different and the choices we have to make on a day-to-day basis are non-similar, but the strength to survive in our parallel alternate universes is one and the same. In being strong, at least, I'd like to think I've brought you pride.
I wish I could say your fears do not materialize, but that would be a lie even I couldn't  fabricate. Life is hard outside of Offa. I know you're expecting this, but it's true. It's like nothing anyone can describe to you. Small things like; making your own routine, and doing your "need to do" before your "want to do" are big deals in your life in 2012. Shocking, I know. Getting out of bed and getting in the shower each morning is a battle in itself; not which friend to go with to which club.

I am all too aware, because I am you, of how much you hate change. It is not because you're maladaptive or incapable of adjustment, it is because it seems like it only comes when you're finally getting a hang on things and it never comes when you're completely lost. I should probably issue a warning right now; CHANGE AHEAD; LOTS AND LOTS OF IT! Literally everything is going to change. This is probably the scariest part for both you and I to grapple with. In order not to drop any spoilers on your life, I'm only going to say this; when I say everything, I mean everything: how you look, who your friends are, how you dress, where you live, your dreams, what you want in life... everything. Some of the changes will leave you sad for a long while, others will eventually bring you immense joy, but there will be nothing too unbearable. *Pinky Swear*

Hilarious, Annoying, and Outright Rude Things My "Almost" Boyfriend Said

HOWDY!

How are y'all doing? How has the week been going? Mine has been okay; it has had it's moments, but I'm surviving! :)  I'm finally getting the hang of things, getting into the school vibe... y'know, just pulling through... LOL.

Anyway! I hope your week has been great, and it's about to get even greater 'cause I have blogposts to share! :D
I finally put up The W.A.G. Diaries: The Terrible Awful up! Maybe, now I'll be able to get some direction, gather my thoughts and find the words to actually finish this thing! *Insert Cheering Crowd* :) Given the "dark" context of The WAG Diaries: The Terrible Awful, I decide that I'd try to lighten things up with this post... Don't wanna leave y'all in a funk! LOL.

Okay! Enough small talk! Unto the real deep shit! LOL.

Sooo... Over the summer, nothing really happened. LOL. I know, my life is sad. BUT! If I was being completely honest, something that I put in my"Dear Olutunu, what ever where you thinking?" file, did happen!

I almost got a chance at a summer romance. Well... given that I met him August 10th, it's wasn't exactly a "summer" romance, but you get the picture; and Hey! A sister will take whatever she can get! :P Anyway! On August 10th, I came up to Ottawa (I was in Mississauga before then) to be part of a surprise birthday dinner for my dear ex-best friend. After dinner, it was decided (I had no say really) that we were all going clubbing, but first, we had to stop at the Rideau Centre to pick up someone. I remember thinking, why can't this person just meet us at the club? It's raining yo and I'm not wearing rain appropriate shoes and I have a face-full of make-up, with no umbrella! Blah, blah, blah! When we got to Rideau, we met up with a guy who seemed to know everyone there except me; we'll call him "Q". So, everyone rushes over to Q, cooing and hugging and laughing. Then finally after much awkward standing to the side, birthday boy goes, "Q, this is Tunu; Tunu, Q". I'm expecting a routine formal handshake, but what do I get? He walks right into my outstretched hand, forcing me to retract it, and bear hugs me! I thought he was so bold, but really nice, to do that. As we all know, Nigerians can be VERY cold and standoffish.

As the night progressed and as we braved the cold, the wind and the rain while waiting for a friend to bring another friend's ID with her from home (who goes clubbing without ID?! I know.), we all chatted and laughed about all sorts of things; high school, our childhoods, music, etc. I was drawn more and more to him by the minute. He was very well dressed, clean shaven, well kept, and he smelled really nice too. He was also very attentive and contributed a great deal to the conversation. (LOL. I sound like a teacher grading a student.) I was, all in all, very impressed. Eventually, when we made it into the club we went straight to sit down, no one was in the mood for dancing after over an hour of standing in the cold. LOL. I was seated beside him, and we started to make our own little conversation; we talked about family and life and even money. I know! Very grown up, eh? I was even more impressed! Very rarely do I find a guy that I'm not about to friend-zone, that is really chatty, insightful, and open. (I know, I have terrible luck, or I must be looking in the wrong places). Eventually, at about 1am, I had to go home. He genuinely looked like he was enjoying my company and didn't want me to leave! I was torn, but I really had to go.

So back out into the rain I went with birthday boy, Q and another guy friend, to hail a cab. I remember sneakily trying to hold his hand as we walked outside, but he withdrew his hand and fiddled with his phone. LOL. Awkward! (Very un-stealth 'Tunu!). As I was about to get in the cab, birthday boy mentioned how we should "set that P", and I was like YESSSS! Thank goodness! Somebody said it! Having that validation from my ex-best friend was great! He said he'd give Q my number. I got home and declared to my sister and my friend: I think I've found "the One"! And then, proceeded to tell the wide-eyed girls the story you just read. LOL. The next day, true to his word birthday boy did give Q my number and Q texted me at about noon. I was super stoked! I really thought it was the beginning of something great. But, as usual (and with my kind of luck) I was wrong again. Of course, it was all moonbeams and rainbows and unicorns at first, but it all went down hill pretty fast. The whole "thing" lasted about a month, and I'm thinking that it was only sustained because we were apart (I went back to Mississauga); once I was back in Ottawa, I couldn't have anymore of him. 

 SO! Now that you have that slightly lengthy back-story, here are some hilarious, annoying and outright rude things Q said (to be read in a LOUD, annoying, condescending, high-pitched voice); 

"Bullshit! That's BULLSHIT!" - Q called bluff on EVERYTHING I said! I told him I needed a 10 GPA (out of 12) to write the 4th year Psychology thesis at my school, and his very encouraging response was, "Bullshit! That's bullshit! That's impossible! Nobody can get that!". I was flabbergasted. I remember thinking what the actual fuck?! (He eventually realized his hasty judgement when he finally figured out that HIS school does GPA out of 10). I'm pretty sure if I told Q that Barack Obama was black, his response would be (you guessed it!), BULLSHIT! This word was very frequent in our conversations, and it got even more and more annoying with time. 

"I love sex! I LOVE SEX!" - LOL. I don't even remember what conversation we were having that could have gone so awry that it ended up here, but something somehow led to Q's awkward declaration of his love for sexual intercourse. I'm not a "good girl" or a prude but that level of enthusiasm about sex made me uncomfortable. I felt like he was about to dry hump me right then and there. Also, I'm guessing he must not be getting a lot (if any) of it. Uh huh...